Did you know that the stress of a romantic break-up triggers the same hormonal, neuronal, and metabolic response as falling through thin ice on a frozen pond? So, yes, all stress is serious, and unless dealt with properly, a detriment to health. Instead of having the unrealistic goal of removing stress from your life, it’s important to reframe your mindset into the very attainable goal of reducing and managing stress, since it’s impossible to live a life devoid of stress.

This begins by identifying and naming the things, people, and situations that cause you stress. Once you know where your stress stems from it’s possible to strategize how to avoid it. I’m not suggesting avoiding your problems, or ‘the ignorance is bliss approach’; I’m advocating for identifying, addressing, and assessing your stressors in order to figure out how to minimize them, or at least your reactions to them. 

As for the people who cause you stress, it is both okay and highly recommended for you to set boundaries with them, or remove them from your social sphere, if you feel it’s necessary. You are the only person who can make these decisions for yourself, and it’s crucial that you are honest in your assessments. The work that you are doing nutritionally or with exercise will matter much less if you are highly stressed throughout it.

When we are stressed out our bodies respond physiologically with a massive influx of ‘oh shit’ hormones meant to help us evade a life threatening situation or to give us the energy to think and move quickly on our feet. However, since in today’s world we don’t often find ourselves in these sort of life threatening situations our stressors have changed.

They have become much broader and much more difficult to avoid. Yes, it’s difficult to avoid being chased by a wild animal, running for your life, but it’s arguably much more difficult to avoid being stressed out by the job that you are required to attend 5 days a week in order to survive, or the person you’ve married, or the people who came with them in the package deal, or the taxes you owe, or the credit report you tanked, and don’t have the means of fixing for a while, or now, the state of the world in apocalypse mode, the list goes on indefinitely.

Our stressors today are much less life threatening and much more all encompassing. Which has lead to stress becoming the threat on our lives. This leads to chronic stress in many adults, and even some children. We know know that chronic stress has its own health risks, including, but not limited to, contributing to loss of sleep, high blood pressure, obesity, and brain changes that result in anxiety, depression, or addiction. It even promotes the formation of artery-clogging deposits, possibly another reason for skyrocketing Coronary Heart Diseases in the last 50 years? [opinion]

What is happening to us now, chronic stress, is actually, physically, changing our brains. It can rewire the way you think and feel about stress. Little things become big, you can be quick to react to stressors and slow to come down from them. Your body will learn to hold on to stress like any other emotional trauma, and release at will. Tension will build, and stress may become more difficult to deal with. Beyond that, many of us formed our coping mechanisms as children, when we were even more ill-equipped to handle stress and emotional traumas than we are now, and yet I would wager that most of us are still walking around utilizing our young coping mechanisms on auto-pilot. Yet another reason why it’s so important to address stress directly.

When you are stressed your brain activates your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis (HPA axis) which regulates blood pressure, heart rate, body temperature, sleep patterns, hunger and thirst, reproductive functions, and you guessed it, stress responses. Your hypothalamus signals to your pituitary glands to release hormones to either stimulate the release of hormones that inhibit certain glands from doing their job, or release even more hormones to communicate a new function, because hormones are your bodies messaging system. Your pituitary gland releases substances that signal and regulate growth, sex, skin color, bone length, and muscle strength. It also releases adrenocorticotropin [ACTH], the hormone that activates your adrenal glands, which you may know are responsible for your fight-flight-or-freeze response. This response also begins at your hypothalamus, and cascades down.

Your adrenal glands are what really get your stress response going. They are the guys responsible for releasing dopamine, epinephrine, norepinephrine, and cortisol [what we think of as ‘stress hormones’]. When these hormones aren’t being released in proper doses it can have disastrous effects on the body. Their essential function was originally to slow or stop any bodily functions that aren’t completely, immediately necessary to get out of harms way, so you can see how deleterious this can be when we’re not actually in harms way, but our adrenal glands would beg to differ. 

These hormones being released out of whack can be responsible for high blood pressure, restricting airways, and contributing to asthma and diabetes, low cortisol production, which can result in obesity, heart disease, or osteoporosis, while too much can make women take on masculine traits, and for men, can contribute to balding, and for both sexes it can kill off brain cells needed for memory. Whether you see it as a direct or indirect relation, this series of hormones regulate your vital systems, and can wreak havoc on those systems when they are not regulated responsibly. The issue is that most of us are on a learned autopilot of stress reactions that are much too serious for our everyday affairs.

Let’s break it down further.

Your amygdala triggers an emotional response, and sends this information to the hypothalamus, which communicates with the pituitary glands, which communicate with the adrenal glands to trigger a stress response, this chain is referred to as your sympathetic nervous system, which acts to trigger stress responses, and your parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for calming you after the need for stress has passed. These two systems working in synchronicity are known as the autonomic nervous system which is responsible for keeping you in homeostasis, when it’s not necessary to be stressed. Homeostasis is your body’s ability to maintain a relatively stable inner state in all functioning regardless of the outside world, especially with regards to your organs, stress response, and temperature gauge. Your body’s ability to react to stress can also be referred to as allostasis, which is ‘obtaining stability through change’; so your body’s stress response is actually designed to change things up internally to be able to manage what is occurring externally, in order to regain homeostasis [peace & balance] as quickly as possible.

We have linked stress with depression and aggression through its effects on serotonin, just another way that stress can affect our health. If you remember, adrenal glands are responsible for releasing dopamine and epinephrine which are neurotransmitters that can throw off the levels of other neurotransmitters, like serotonin. These complex chemical reactions in our brains can, and will, trigger physical reactions in the brain and body.

One way that stress can inhibit your immune system is through the release of nerve growth factor [NGF], released by the pituitary gland during stress response, NGF is attracted heavily to disease fighting cells, and it inhibits their ability to ward off or fight infections. We also know that corticotrophin-releasing factor [CRF], which is the hormone released by the hypothalamus in order to signal stress to the pituitary glands, interferes with the immune system. The pituitary glands release prolactin in stress response which triggers cells that cause swelling in joints. Finally, the hormone adrenocorticotropin [ACTH] released by the pituitary gland impedes the body’s production of endorphins [natural pain relievers], as well as triggering excess serotonin, which is linked to bursts of violent behavior. 

We are currently working on charting the exact pathways that stress hormones take throughout the body in order to map the links between stress and disease, and lines of communication between brain and body, hopefully minimizing or erasing the line between biological and psychological stress. Stress, like emotional trauma can continue affecting you for 50 [or more] years after the initial stressor, or trauma. We believe this happens through sensitization, meaning extreme, or chronic stress changes the patterns of stress response in your brain and body, deregulating stress responses to either over or under produce the chemicals triggered in stress response. This can, and does, lead to physical changes in the brain and body, like shrunken brain structures or stress induced heart disease. 

As you may be noticing, stress can trigger a chain of reactions within your body and brain that only impede health, and wellness, especially when the stress is chronic, as it is for so many of us. The danger is not stress, but continued stress, unacknowledged, or ignored stress. The danger is that now our psychological stress can trigger the same responses as our physical stress, literally shutting down ‘non-vital’ body functions until the threat is gone, but in today’s world the [psychological] threat is never gone. So this leaves so many of us with over exposure to cortisol and epinephrine [yes, also called adrenaline] which can cause ulcers, muscle atrophy, elevated blood sugar, excessive demand on the heart, suppress the immune system, and digestive system, as well as leading to the death of certain brain cells. If you don’t believe that stress can affect nearly every aspect of your wellness, and physical, or psychological health, then I hope this can change your mind, because that view is simply, wrong.

Cortisol breaks down bone, muscle, fat, and other body tissues in order for the liver to convert these into sugar to supply the brain and heart with energy and nutrients in crisis. It literally triggers a self-digestion, which is a problem when stress is chronic.

What this means for us in our stress management journey, is that we need to look at stress as a chain reaction that may be highly tied to past trauma, making our stress response to a seemingly inane situation feel very disproportionate. This is not wrong, and can be amended through therapy or a closer look at ties to our past. This should be done carefully, with patience, grace, and understanding. Many of us are still reacting to stress like children because the stress we are experiencing is still tied to the stress responses we didn’t deal with properly as children. This is through no fault of our own, children are simply ill-equipped to emotionally deal with or understand their stress, which is why as adults most of us are still working through these things. There is no shame in working through past trauma, or current stress responses.

There is still so much for us to learn and study about stress response, and how to deal with old stress, and triggers, but for now, observation is key. Do your best to non-judgmentally observe your reactions to things, and in that observation try to become aware of what feelings or sensations come to mind as you experience stress. Try to discuss this experience with a trusted someone, or a therapist. I guarantee you will be amazed at what you have been unconsciously holding on to. 

A word of warning, from someone who has been there, and is still working through many things, it’s extremely likely that it will get worse before it gets better. Oftentimes what happens when we begin working through these things is that our bodies begin releasing the stress and trauma that has been pent up since the original event, this may be in the form of compulsory twitching, or convulsions, heavy tears, or emotions that may seem much more extreme than the situation calls for. Try to be gentle with yourself, and don’t be afraid of your body’s compulsory reactions, try to allow them to move through you in a safe space, preferably with a trusted loved one, who is prepared to be witness and support to this, or with a trained professional. All of this is perfectly natural and will get better with time, but the twitches and convulsions and emotions do need to be allowed to release, before you can find relief. 

Once you move through this state you will find a renewed sense of peace, that will only get stronger and more stable with each cycle of release, and pretty soon you will find a rhythm. You may decide when it’s good for you to begin introducing day to day stress management techniques. Often people find it overwhelming to do all of this at once, allow yourself to move at your own pace. There is no wrong answer, or wrong move here.  Stress is highly personal, you need to find what works for you. Try new things, and ask for suggestions. Often you will find that the simple act of creating a safe space for old stress and trauma to move through you at it’s own pace, is, in it’s own way, stress management and relief. You may find it calming to know that this is a great way to dissipate stress, and you may just get quicker at spotting triggers, allowing them to move through you or past you, and observing where they’re coming from. 

Beyond that, getting out in nature frequently and exercising when you feel up to it are always good places to start with stress relief and management. Try to become aware of your body, and the sensations within it whenever you can. The more in tune with your body you are the quicker you can find release. Some people call this meditation, and if that works for you, then wonderful! If you’re like me, trying to relax will only make your stress worse, and create judgment.

Instead, I like to work on becoming aware of my immediate experience and needs without deciding how I feel about their “rightness.” Instead of judgment, I like to ask “why.” As in, “I’m feeling scared.” ‘Why?’ “Because this situation closely resembles a situation from my past that was frightening.” ‘What happened then? How did it make you feel? How is it making you feel now? Are you currently in the same situation? Are you in danger physically? Do you feel like you are capable of creating a safe space right now? If not, what is stopping you? Can you change your physical space?’ etc. Essentially, hold a conversation with yourself, an inner dialogue, where you take back control of your situation, and therefore, your life.

I cannot stress this enough, but be patient with yourself. Be gentle, kind, and work towards understanding, not guilt, shame, or adding insult to injury. Allow yourself to have your process, cultivate the people around you until they are all great supporters of you, and your unique journey. Recognize that sometimes the people you love cause you the most pain, and set boundaries, out of love for yourself, and them. Keep an open dialogue and conversation with yourself, and with a trusted inner circle, which may or may not involve a therapist, or coach. How you do the work is not as important as if you do the work.

Remember that your process is your own and no one else’s, and you have every right to remove people from your process when they are no longer helping, or especially if they are making it worse. This never has to be forever. You make the rules. You are renegotiating your life on your terms. Removing yourself from people and situations that harm you, until you can heal. And if you identify with chronic stress, then there is real healing that needs done. No one can or should tell you how to live your life.

Please feel free to contact me if you feel I could be of service to your stress reduction process in any way.

Resources:

1. Allostasis: https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/immunology-and-microbiology/allostasis

2. Chronic stress: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199601/stress-its-worse-you-think

3. Homeostasis: https://www.livescience.com/65938-homeostasis.html

4. Stress Management: https://www.brainline.org/article/stress-management-how-reduce-prevent-and-cope-stress

5. Stress Response: https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response